Rukopis+

A little party had killed somebody

I was swinging to the beat of my favorite song called a little party never killed nobody by Fergie. It was extremely hot in there, my thighs were sweating in a tight black silk skirt with glitter on it. I thought I would pass out any minute, yet I kept a smile on my face.

Women were passionately dancing and men were having discussions and staring at their ladies with a drool dripping from their mouths. Everyone was in euphoria, dancing, laughing and screaming. I was having the best time of my life.

I was leaning over the bar in the night cabaret in Prague, ordering another tequila shot with a lemon on it. It was my favorite drink. You get easily drunk from it and it tastes delicious. As the last drop of the tequila shot landed on my tongue, I felt the burning in my throat. While some could argue that the taste is too bitter, I would say it is the sweetest liquid my mouth has ever tasted.

Beside me, a tall, dark-haired man leaned over the bar.

“Good evening, may I ask what is your name?” he asked confidently.

“Good evening sir, my name is not interested.” I smiled ironically. Trying to not smell the disgusting smell coming from his mouth. It was a mixture of alcohol, nicotine and nachos. He smiled and walked away.

I was dancing with my ladies in the center of the room. The basement was covered in smog. I would say that ninety-nine percent of the people were holding cigarettes. If I wanted to catch my breath I couldn’t, there were no windows. My head was spinning a little bit and I started to feel dizzy. You are not a wimp, you can do this. I said to myself. Even though the only thing I could hear was the blasting music, people having intensive kissing moments and people having boring discussions about politics.

– After 2 o’clock in the morning –

Two clocks in the morning struck, when the music got tired. Silence. When the music stopped my other senses came to life. I could see and smell properly. The seductive smell of women who are trying to seduce rich men intensified. The sound of counting dirty money was suddenly so loud. Men were counting their money for sex and gambling. I looked at my hands. They were black. When did I touch the money? I smell my hands. It hit my nose, this repulsive smell of money, drugs and alcohol. The feeling of embarrassment and guilt was on the scene. Everything was twisted. I closed my eyes for a while. 

As I opened my eyes. I saw the sunlight and rainbows in the sky. Where am I? I asked myself. I looked around and there was no one. Not a single soul. How did I get here? To the top from the rock bottom? she screamed and got down on her knees.

Golden Mirror, where are you?

I was sitting in my bedroom in front of my makeup table. My beautiful white makeup table with light bulbs. All of my makeup tools were organized in the right order as I use them. This always made me so calm, it was my safe place. On the side of the table I always had my little mirror laid down, this one for the last touches, for the details. I took it in my hand and my eyes opened wide. I couldn’t believe what I saw. I had an allergic reaction all over my cheeks. I have been very stressed lately, so I am not surprised, however this is the worst thing that could happen to me. Since I was little I was led by my mom to look presentable everyday and in theory to look perfect, so other people could view me as perfection.

I was staring at my face for a few other minutes, until a human voice woke me up from daydreaming analyzing my appearance. “Love, are you feeling good?” my husband asked me nervously. “Of course I will get rid of it right away.” I replied. He winked at me and left me with a kiss on my head. I sat straight, pulled my shoulders behind and took my make-up. At least I have you, I smiled at the mirror. After I applied my makeup aggressively with my sponge, I walked down the stairs and started making pancakes for breakfast for our celebration due to our anniversary day. We ate breakfast and headed to our destination. Lake Como, the place where we sealed our love. As we were sailing to our villa, the wind was so peaceful, he caressed my face the same as my lover does sometimes. Not so often anymore. I looked at him and he was on the phone with someone. It looked like he was arguing with somebody. He looked back at me and hang up.

“Everything alright love?” I asked.

“Never been better.” he answered and smiled at me.

We came back from a beautiful romantic dinner and I went to our bedroom to get ready to go to bed. I entered the room, it almost looked the same as our home. Huge double bed, writing desk, changing room and in the corner was my makeup table. I was content. I sat down at the makeup table and started taking my makeup off. I was rummaging in my bag, but I couldn’t find my mirror. The one with the golden frame and golden ornaments. I forgot it at home. My stomach turned upside down.

“Hey, are you ready to go to bed?” he asked me without taking a look at me.

“I will be in a second.” I said.

I could see in the mirror reflection how he turned towards me and looked at me. Now we were staring at each other in the mirror. He walked closer to me and turned me around.

“What do you think, that you are going to go to bed unkempt after all day?” he said with his low voice that was always scaring me.

I stayed silent, it was the best choice for me.

“Hurry up, I don’t have forever.”

I took a brush and started brushing my hair. My hands were shaking. I was terrified.

“Are you looking for this?” he was holding my golden mirror in his hands.

“Yes please give it to me. And I will be ready in a minute.” I replied.

Silence.

I laid my eyes on the ground. The pieces of the mirror were laying on the ground. I fell on my knees and laid my head into my arms. He knew. He knew how important it was for me. For me, a portal to communicate, portal to stay beautiful, portal to stay appreciated. It was gone. I took two sharp pieces of the mirror and I scratched my whole face.

I hope you are satisfied now.

Poem: Love is blind

finding a partner

is a labyrinth full of choices

you don’t know which direction to go

and what is at the end of the tunnel.

there can be a light future

dark future

or a future that you wouldn’t expect

yet you have to stick with your decision.

tough love hurts us

she found herself in never ending cycle

of pain and suffering.

she was locked in the room

she couldn’t escape

yet all she wanted was to fly away.

her uterus made a sound

many times

yet she didn’t learn.

the sound of horns

was last warning

she gave up

and learned.

from now she says

find someone

who makes you feel light

as a small cloud in the sky.

find someone

who

makes your uterus

calm down.

find someone who

won’t let

you

bleed out.